From the Orifice Of The Playpen

 
So here we are, The end of April and the war is over… when I say War I actually mean The Persian Gulf Distraction 2 : The Baghdad Blitzkrieg. I had planned on spouting off last month about the war but I wrote the article at work and as usual I got carried away and threw in the odd “Fuck and Bastard Idiots” and the works e-mail server stopped delivery. Everyone is a fuckin’ critic these days...These days things are going reasonably smoothly, no one is bugging me yet and nothing is getting too me too much. Prozac: what a wonder drug!

The big news this month has to be an impending anniversary. On May 3rd it will be mine and Linda’s 3rd Wedding Anniversary. We had planned on spending a nice long quiet weekend doing the things husbands and wives do… you know washing the dog doing laundry and fighting over watching the Football on Saturday afternoon. That would have been the plan except plans change and people decide to take holidays at the same time as our anniversary. My brother, His Wife and son are coming down to visit with my mother (who lives next door… hey we’re a close family).

This inevitably means that normal service will be disrupted due to the fact that a child who cannot talk in coherent sentences yet and has trouble staying upright when walking (sounds like me after a beer or two actually) will be in the close proximity of Linda and my mother. To break things down this means that I will get too see very little of Linda over the weekend because KJ is so damn cute and is talking up a storm next door, Television will be dominated by Teletubbies and Fimbles. Any chance of doing anything that doesn’t revolve around a feed or a diaper change is out for the weekend. As for sex.. well the walls are paper thin and we wouldn’t want to wake the baby in the next room.

Believe me I AM NOT BITTER. KJ is the first grandchild and nephew but I have nightmares about The Omen movies when any new child is in the room. He can do no wrong and is intent on getting me. When everyone else is out of the room his head will spin and he will start to gurgle and project pea soup across at me. Only he is cunning and will make it look like I sneezed and made a mess on the carpet. While I am getting the mop and bucket to clean up the vile gloop the kid will be looking up and smiling at me thinking…
“ Run Peasent Boy Run.. Your Mine till Sunday”

It probably won’t be as bad as I make out and I will probably enjoy seeing the family. In fact I can’t wait.

 

I have a recommendation for you good folks. This stems from the crap on TV at the moment. We as a world are spoon fed our News Entertainment through the TV and we don’t get the full story, Just what Murdoch and Turner want you too see. I have a solution to this… turn off your TV and listen to the radio. Check out NPR or if you prefer try the BBC. Just click the links and they should take you there and you can listen online to both of these networks. Expand your mind by using your ears. If you get nostalgic for the times when things were simpler click to Old Time Radio (OTR). You’ll be surprised at what is actually out there.

Anyway folks we gotta go and get ready for the invading hordes.

Until next time keep your Cuffs on the bedposts and your eye on the door.

Paul and Linda.

I was born Linda Sue DeZarn to a couple with four other living children. Our family was poor as far as money went but we were rich because we had love and each other. I am now 47, mother of two daughter's and proud grandmother of six beautiful grandmonsters; the four oldest being boys and the babies are both girls (took long enuff for the girls to show their pretty faces).

I met Paul Hurwood (aka miskin) online in Excite's Virtual Places (where I also met Cait) in a chat room called Ninian's Poetry Cafe. Had it not been for some of the people in that room I would not be here today. I have led a long hard life most of which can be read in my writings.

 
Linda's Poetry Pages

• Dedicated to the man of my dreams

by Miskin for Linda
• Stronger Than Steel
• In Honour

Hi there folks. My name is Paul, and I have vital statistics that resemble the national debt of several third world countries combined. As you probably know Linda is my wife and you know the story so I won’t bore you all with it again.
In the words of Joshua one of the grand monsters “I AM A FREAK” and pretty much proud of it too.
I will try pretty much anything once and if I like it or it’s bad for me I will probably try it a couple more times just to make sure. I don’t like to take things to seriously, life is way too short.
Art wise I pretty much like anything that pushes the boundaries of either taste or experimental. My main passion is Old Time Radio, it helps to stimulate the brain and gets you thinking again.

I do occasionally write poetry but I am not a perfectionist. I write what comes into my mind and just see what happens. I think that this the honest way of writing. If it doesn’t make sense it's no biggie as far as I am concerned.
My influences come from all over the place… I get moods from Pink Floyd or whatever is playing on my cd player at the time and the Goons… a wonderfully anarchic mix of surrealism and comedy… if you get the chance try them out.

In closing I want to tell you my motto in life. It’s really simple and when things go wrong and you’re not sure what to do….

FUCK IT

The translation is down to you.

Keep your eyes on the door and the cuffs on the bedpost

Paul