the passive-aggressive approach
to obtaining Utopia

every Nazi, Klansman,
militia and gang member –
every twisted Christian –
every bigot and bully
in the world
would
in the blink of an eye
in a very nonviolent
but intensely painful way,
drop dead
and then
very accommodatingly
disintegrate,
making clean-up
a cinch
for the gentle survivors

 

Midwesterner’s Prune Face (MPF)
[aka Bible-Belter’s Prune Face (BBPF)]

     i’m no doctor or scientist, but i’ve noticed this until-no unnamed disease prevalent in the Midwest – especially predominant in adults who practice organized religion, and insecure heterosexual men.
     i’ve caused so many outbreaks of it myself, i took the liberty of naming it.
     It is triggered by casual contact with other humans who the MPF sufferer dislikes or disapproves of on sight for any reason, real or imagined; or feels superior to morally, physically, financially or spiritually, and is obligated (for the good of all decent humanity) to manifest that disgust.
     Most recent case study:
     My mom, roommate Ratboy and i visited an eatery in Stafford, Kansas. Mom and i were used to the mild cases of MPF the cashier suffered each Sunday when we patronized the quaint café. Maybe the weekly sight of a thirtysomething queer vegetarian poet having the nerve to even exist, much less hang out with and enjoy the company of his big, bold and beautiful vegetarian poet mom in the middle of Bob Dole’s Kansas triggered it, and no attempts at friendliness or humor could cure it or relieve the symptoms…
     But add to the concoction a long-haired, hyperactive, mouthy teen-ager wearing a Marilyn Manson t-shirt proclaiming, “i AM THE GOD OF FUCK” in large slut-red letters, and there you have the formula for disaster: the most dire case of MPF in history.
     The tragic result was a helpless Midwestern Christian woman contorting her face in all manner of ways, desperate to register her disapproval, eyes bugging out, trying to bore o hole through the teen-ager’s head to transmit her rage.
     The disease was only exacerbated by The God of Fuck’s sincere disinterest in her illness. He breezed through the entire dining experience, oblivious to her gross disease.

 
from michael's
new book

cosmic children