A Totally Androgynous Man
The slant ceiling in the loft where I live
leaves little space for me to piss -
untroubled.
I'm forced to place my head in the corner
where the walls meet by bending my waist
45 degrees to the right.
(this is such a pain)
For a time I took to pissing in the sink.
But this sink is the only sink the loft
provides.
Where else to wash dishes but in that sink?
No matter how much disinfectant I sprayed
to clean -
it never seemed the proper thing to do.
I'm still washing dishes in the sink -
only now I sit down to pee.
She Loves It
Nearly a week has passed and we've barely spoken
a word to each other.
She's mad at me because I left for work one morning
without warming up her car.
And she's mad at me for falling asleep the other night
in front of the TV - which isn't such a bad thing - but
it was our anniversary, and I did promise to take her out.
She's mad too because last week I got drunk and into an
argument with her best friend - who I called...
BIG FAT MORON and SORRY OLD WHORE.
If the silence continues much longer, she'll begin
reminding me of all the terrible things I've done
in the past.
She'll start out real slow - picking up the pace
as she goes - baiting me to snap and threaten
to blow up the house with her inside.
She loves it when i go off like that.
It pushes her another step closer to the truth.
Social Anxiety Disorder
Somebody paid somebody
to do research
on shyness.
Two years,
and a million dollars later,
shyness isn't shyness anymore.
it's a mental health disease.
They're calling it -
"social anxiety disorder"
(overwhelming desire
to shy away from others)
Some pillmakers got hold
of this information.
and made some medication
to control this new disease.
Now, millions of people
are dashing to their doctor
so they won't be shy/anymore.
Except me!
i have an overwhelming desire
to shy away -
because most of the time -
well, you know what i mean.
IT WORKS
The landlady is downstairs
slamming
slamming shut every door
in the house.
My mother used to slam
pots and pans.
i remember reading once
that such behavior
is the best medicine
for prevention
of hysteria
in psychoneurotics.
With my hammer i smashed a big hole in the wall.
